Humor Thread

[M9ACE]

Someone on the BIS forums posted this video, which I found to be humorous.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zL9AKXx ... re=channel

[Strango]

U.S. Government To Save Billions By Cutting Wasteful Senator Program

[Strango]

Never under estimate a Texas Redneck Cowboy.

A Redneck cowboy from Sweetwater , Texas , walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an International Redneck Festival and would be gone for two weeks. He needed to borrow $5,000 but he was not a depositor in that bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Redneck handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank. He produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest. Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Redneck from Texas for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's private underground garage and parked it.

Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07.

The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out on Dun & Bradstreet and found that you are a highly successful investor and multimillionaire with real estate and financial interests all over the world. Your investments include a large number of wind turbines around Sweetwater , Texas . What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The good ol' Texas boy replied, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be here when I return?"

His name was BUBBA...

[Reaper1978]

Why Planning is so important?

One Night 4 college students were playing till late night and could
not study for the test which was scheduled for the next day.

In the morning they thought of a plan.
They made themselves look as dirty with grease and dirt.
They then went up to the Dean and said that they had
gone out to a wedding last night and on their return the tire of their car
burst and they had to push the car all the way back and that they were in
no condition to appear for the test.

So the Dean said they could have the re-test after 3 days.
They thanked him and said they would be ready by that time.

On the third day they appeared before the Dean.
The Dean said that as this was a Special Condition Test,
all four were required to sit in separate classrooms for the test.
They all agreed as they had prepared well in the last 3 days.

The Test consisted of 2 questions with a total of 100 Marks.

See Below for the question Paper







Q.1. Your Name........ ......... ......... (2 MARKS)


Q.2.. which tire burst? (98 MARKS)

a) Front Left b) Front Right
c) Back Left d) Back Right


True story from IIT Bombay ....Batch 1992

[Starrat]

My question would have been "How did you push the car home with a flat tire?"

[M9ACE]

Big Time Skeet Shooting

[Strango]

[M9ACE]

[Strango]

Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Southerner?




Here is a little test that will help you decide.



The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You're walking down a
deserted street with your wife
and two small children.

Suddenly, an Islamic
Terrorist with a huge knife
comes around the corner,
locks eyes with you,
screams obscenities, praises
Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you...

You are carrying a
Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.
What do you do?




THINK CAREFULLY AND
THEN SCROLL DOWN:



Democrat's Answer:

* Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!
* Does the man look poor or oppressed?
* Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?
* Could we run away?
* What does my wife think?
* What about the kids?
* Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
* What does the law say about this situation?
* Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?
* Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?
* Is it possible he'd be happy with just killing me?
* Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?
* If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me?
* Should I call 9-1-1?
* Why is this street so deserted?
* We need to raise taxes, have paint & weed day.
* Can we make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.
* I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.
* This is all so confusing!


............................................................................

Republican's Answer:

BANG!



.......................................................................




Southerner's Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG ! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click..... (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG!
BANG!
BANG!
Click

Daughter: 'Nice grouping, Daddy!'
'Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?! '

Son: 'Can I shoot the next one?!'

Wife: 'You ain't taking that to the Taxidermist!

[M9ACE]

Aussie men shoot each other in buttocks 'to see if it hurts'
http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20100623/od ... VtZW5zaG8-


MELBOURNE (AFP) – Two Australian men needed surgery after shooting each other in the buttocks during a drinking session to see if it would hurt, police said on Wednesday.

The men, both aged 34, used an air rifle to fire at each other on Sunday. By Tuesday, both were in hospital to have pellets removed from their buttocks and legs.

"The men were sharing a few beers on Sunday evening when they thought it would be interesting to see if they shot one another with an air rifle, if it would penetrate their skin or it would hurt," a police spokesman said.

"It appears other than a bit of pain, the two men from the base of the Grampians (near Melbourne), thought they were fine.

"Two days later, both men have been admitted to hospital and require surgery to remove slug pellets from their buttocks and legs."

One of the men has been stripped of his firearms licence over the incident.

[M9ACE]

"Darth Vader" strikes NY bank The force is strong in this one.
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20100723/od_ ... darthvader

Fri Jul 23, 6:05 pm ET

NEW YORK (Reuters) – The Force was with a man when he robbed a bank wearing a Darth Vader mask and a cape.

Armed with a gun instead of a light saber, the man entered a Chase bank branch in Setauket, New York, about 50 miles east of New York City, on Thursday and demanded cash from a teller, police said. He fled through a parking lot with an undisclosed amount of money.

The bandit dressed as the "Star Wars" villain was part of a mini-outbreak of unusual bank robbers in the New York area.

Earlier this week, New York City police arrested a man accused of robbing two banks with a bunch of flowers and a potted plant.

(Reporting by Michelle Nichols; Editing by Jonathan Oatis and Bill Trott) .

[Rock]

Had a real good laugh today. Was going through a ton of pictures I took when I was with the family at Disney in February. On the final day I was snapping some pictures of Cinderella's Castle and the iconic statue of Walt and Mickey that sits in front of it. I realized in one of the photos that I got photobombed!

As I looked at the photo I spotted something familiar in his features....who is this strange character....wait I know!

Not only was I photobombed, I was photobombed by the Unabomber!

[Strango]

SWAT Team Called Over Umbrella With Samurai Sword Handle